Dear Zoë at 13 months

Dear Zoë,

      Today you are 13 months old…a milestone that has coincided with my return to work. Today has been spent watching the clock and anxiously awaiting 4:30pm.  We have been apart before, even longer than this, but today  feels different. It marks the start of what will always consist of days apart. It breaks my heart thinking about being away from you, and no longer having our days to ourselves.  A few weeks ago I was thinking that maternity leaves should be two years long, as only recently I started feeling like I had a handle on this Mum/home/dog owner/wife life balance.  Now we have thrown employee into the mix so we shall see how long it takes for this to settle down
     At 13 months you are a sight to behold. Spirited, with a smile that can brighten my most foul mood. Your hobbies include, unspooling toilet paper, climbing our stairs and, the thing that brings you the most joy: emptying and then refilling the tupperware drawer. You know EXACTLY what you want, and will squawk until we acquiesce.  You do some sign language you learned at daycare and it gets me everytime–SHE IS COMMUNICATING WITH ME!!!! I cant wait until you can talk and tell me “Mama I just want to play with your phone” To which I will reply “um no”
You will never know what a magical time your first year was for me, filled with triumph and heartache (likely for both of us) Nor will you recall the feeling of the invisible cord that stretches between us being pulled further than ever (roughly 100kms my dear)  But know that all those feelings will be seared in my soul
forever.  Today marks your 13th month of being you, and the start of something new for our family.  

Love you to the moon and back little Zozo,
Mama

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